Remember Me This Way
by anatagasuki
Summary: My only regret is that, I never had a chance to say “I love you,” to the woman I love and forever will. RuOC. STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY.


A/N: Hi! This is just a songfic about Rukawa's past. I know many writers here already made something similar to this but I hope people would still read and review. When I was writing the last few parts I was crying, but I don't know if it's that sad. Maybe I'm just too emotional and dramatic when I wrote this.

Thanks to you all and please R and R!

Song lyrics in italics.

Written in Rukawa's PoV

**Remember Me This Way**

I clearly remember the last time I wore this outfit. I was never the type who really dresses appropriately, nor neatly. I only pay attention to basketball, it's as if the only thing I could do is the sport.

Everyone would laugh if they saw me taking pictures of everything a sunset scene could bring.

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I was ten years old when I met her. She was so different from all the other children in the neighborhood. Why? Because she wore something, a metallic, broad thing, that set her appearance far from ordinary teens. From one of our maids in the house, I learned she has scoliosis, an unusual curve in the back.

You may ask, how did the maids know? Simple. She is also one of our maids. She's too young to be one, isn't she? But I didn't mind. What is important to me is I have someone to serve me and my needs.

When my kaasan died, I felt all alone. No one in the house ever cared about me but she. My dad was always away and I have no siblings. Only my friends were left, the ones I had in school.

I was weeping so hard during her wake. I stared at her lifeless face and desired to join her in peace. Life seems so empty now without her. I did everything with her-sleeping, studying, even playing and eating. I can't go on without her.

I climbed our rooftop and felt the cold gush of air on my face. I gazed at the countless stars in the sky and wanted to fly. I'm odd, I know. But that's the way it is.

I wished to have someone make me happy despite of my loss. I prayed over and over for an angel to come down from heaven and comfort me.

**_Every now and then we find a special friend  
Who never lets us down  
Who understands it all  
Reaches out each time you fall_**

I stepped at the edge of the sill surrounding the rooftop and sat down, feet dangling four stories below. One last look at the city lights, I closed my eyes and prepared to jump. Just then, I heard a rustle behind me.

When I opened my eyes, I saw a girl beside me, standing on the narrow platform.

My eyes widened a bit.

"Get down. It's dangerous."

She looked at me with impassive eyes.

"You do it. Then it's not."

"Of course it is, you stupid brat."

"Oh! Who are you calling stupid brat? You are a stupid brat. You care for nothing but yourself. You lost you kaa-chan, but is that enough to make others suffer because of your death? Life isn't yours."

"You don't care, you're just a slave."

"A slave, Rukawa Kaede, is better than a lifeless, stone doll pampered by his rich owners."

My eyes narrowed on her.

"C'mon." she beckoned me, reaching out her little hand. "Let's go down and do something apart from moping around."

Maybe it's instinct I'm following when I went with her. While we walked outside, her waist long hair flew softly by the wind breeze and her scent wafted in the night. Her hand still intertwined with mine, she picked an orange ball on the side of the yard and handed it to me.

**_You're the best friend that I've found  
I know you can't stay  
But a part of you will never ever go away  
Your heart will stay  
_**

"There." She said with a gentle smile so like my mother's. "Let's play."

"Play what?"

"Basketball, of course!" she said unbelievingly. "You don't know the most magnificent sport in the whole wide world?"

"I don't care about basketball." I stubbornly replied.

"You must try." She insisted. "Here, try shooting this to the hoop there. No pushing or touching, you understand? I'll try to grab it from you."

"Fine." I agreed, running for the ring.

But before I could throw it, she caught it from my hand.

A mirthful laugh.

"Nice try, beginner." She sneered.

"Oh yeah?" I say, insulted. "We'll see."

The game is on.

After about half an hour, we stopped.

"You…pant are really…pant, pant good for a…pant beginner…"

"Still, the…pant score is…pant, pant twelve-zero…"

That's where we all began.

**_I'll make a wish for you  
And hope it will come true  
That life will just be kind  
To such a gentle mind  
_**

When she was four, her parents gave her up and sold her to our household. Too-chan shouldn't have agreed, but kaa-chan was moved by the innocence of the kid.

Oftentimes, she is scolded because of her love for basketball. She wasn't allowed to play it because of her handicap, but she still persistently violates. She was from where I learned the sport.

Still, since my mother's death, I had grown more hostile each day, and I allow no one to break through my shell. No one will ever see me besides from the handsome-faced god covered with ice.

When I am alone, that is most of the times, she jumps out of nowhere to scare me out of my wits. Then, she'll laugh at me and challenge me for a match. I'll object, but I'll give in if she persists. I always lost and never won to her.

One night, we went outside just to gape at the stars, trying to count them. Then, when we lost count, we laugh uncontrollably and ran after each other.

I never remembered laughing as hard as when we're together since kaasan died.

After a couple of years or so, my world revolved around her. Much as I hate to admit it, she did almost everything for me. Being the more intellectual one, she taught me and helped me in school work. She also cooked for me, prepared my bath at mornings, ironed my uniforms, cleaned my room, took care of my bruises and maybe…made me finally happy.

I depend on her. She was my companion, my friend, my confidant.

**_If you lose your way  
Think back on yesterday  
Remember me this way  
Remember me this way  
_**

In my fourteenth birthday, I got exceptionally expensive gifts from my relatives and my father's associates. I thought about escaping and having a little talk. With whom? Of course with her. I talk to no one but her, because I know she would smile ear to ear and that's what I always wanted to see, the thing I would always look up to everytime. We may talk sense unlike what father and his guests open up to me. Nah, it's everything about business and stuff anyway, and I don't care.

She gave me a gift. Blushing, she scrambled towards me and handed her gift. I opened it a little bit too excitedly. A handmade anklet with my name on it. She asked me about it. I said it's ridiculous. She bonked my head with a pot. It still aches by now, I could recall. I told her I'll throw it, and she doesn't object. She just smiled, like she knew I was lying. I was indeed lying, for everyone saw that thing dangling on my foot the next day.

Then, on the night of her birthday, I thought of giving her a gift too. I had a bracelet with basketball charms custom made for her. I imagined her wrist with it. That will be beautiful. I knocked at her door but no one answered.

I knocked again and again. I'm getting impatient. Getting the master key, I opened it and prepared to nag her for making me wait.

But what I saw wasn't something I expected. I saw her pale form lying on the floor, almost lifeless.

**_I don't need eyes to see  
The love you bring to me  
No matter where I go  
And I know that you'll be there  
_**

Her hand in mine, I comforted her half conscious self to the fact that I'm always there for her as the stretcher made its way to the emergency room. She nodded profusely and said she'd be back and we'd play the ball game soon.

I held on to her promise. When the doctors came gushing outside, I cornered the head and asked him all about it.

In a calm voice, he told me that her scoliosis severed and now her braces aren't enough to support and mend her back bone. An operation must be done soon. But the consequence was, she couldn't play basketball or even run anymore after the operation.

For ever more a part of me you're everywhere  
I'll always care

When I broke the news to her, she said nothing. Then, I noticed glimmers of tears shining on her cheeks. For the first time, I pitied her. I just went on staring, saying nothing too. Finally, she looked up to me, smiled sadly, and said; "Could we play now, then?"

The last time we played was memorable, yet I still did not win. We talked as usual about things, about her, and about me.

"What if I won't be able to play anymore? Who will you play with, ice block?"

I paused. I turned her to me and placed my hands on her shoulders.

"Now listen, Ms. Chimp. I will play and you will watch. Then, you would draw me like you always wanted to, okay? I will play for you to be able to draw me, okay?"

She nodded with a peaceful smile and I sighed in relief.

And of course, I received another bonk on the head and an uppercut square on my poor jaw.

**_I'll make a wish for you  
And hope it will come true  
That life will just be kind  
To such a gentle mind  
_**

After her operation, we now was deprived of our dearest bonding time. From then on, we spent our days playing the piano and other things. I bought a bike. I carried her on it and I drove. She was really happy and I was secretly smiling too. She's like a bird that is set free from her cage.

From her and her struggles in life, I learned some things I didn't bother to discover before. I forgot the life set out for me, and I forgot to count my blessings instead of my misfortunes.

Even though she now has a permanent deficiency, and that she lost all her relatives, she could still smile and make me smile. Her strength and willpower overwhelmed me with hope of something brighter, a future better…with her.

It was just a typical day for the both of us. I placed her in my bicycle and dove to my family's house.

_**If you lose your way  
Think back on yesterday  
Remember me this way  
Remember me this way  
**  
_

Then, what I saw enraged me.

"Who is this Matthew Takashi who wrote you this letter?"

"Uhm, he's an exchange student from America, actually."

"What is he doing? Stalking you?"

"No! Of course not!" she shook her head persistently that I was alarmed. Who is this Matthew guy for her to protect too much? "He's really nice and-"

"Oh. So now, you're flirting with newcomers and luring them to you?"

"What! What are you saying?"

"It's the truth. If it hurts, it's not my problem."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Something is wrong with you."

"I know it." She pulled me to look at her, which I couldn't do, amazingly. Why can't I look at her questioning eyes? "You hate him because he's good in basketball, isn't it?"

"That's not the point."

"Oh, yeah." She sarcastingly answered. "As if I don't know you. You are the most selfish, heartless and ruthless member of the basketball team. You don't care about anybody. You don't want anybody equal you into anything. You just want to excel all to yourself and-"

Everything in my world stopped as I saw her standing form fall to the floor.

And my gaze fell on my hand.

I slapped her.

With teary eyes, she stood up and ran away, leaving me baffled.

**_And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you  
I'll be standing by your side in all you do  
And I won't ever leave as long as you believe  
You just believe...  
_**

For a week, we were awkward. She never talked and I never did too. It was our first major fight.

For the days she wasn't present, my whole world tumbled down. No one took care of me, no one cooked for me, no one fixed my things, no one tutored me, no one walked with me, no one cleaned my room and no one drew me as I play.

After a while, I realized that there's no use keeping my pride any longer. I miss her and I need her and nothing is stopping me from having her back. I was becoming the person I swore I wouldn't ever be. A jealous and unreasonable…I don't know.

When I appeared in front of her, she looked away and walked to the opposite direction. I grabbed her arm and did something which made her stop struggling.

She was shocked. I was too. Without even thinking, I yanked her to my body and kissed her.

I never had someone who loved me for long except my mother, and it would be lovely to have someone love me aside from her. She showed me things that I didn't appreciate before, even the simple shining of stars and blossoming of flowers

**_I'll make a wish for you  
And hope it will come true  
That life will just be kind  
To such a gentle mind  
_**

Every morning, she would wake me up with flowers of all sorts. I love her when she does that and even if she doesn't. We were both contented and happy with what we share.

There was simply no need for words to be said between us. No need to tell each other the things usual couples say.

I just knew now that I was so wrong on that part.

After a few steady months, I came home and called her name. No answer. I called again. No one replied. I thought maybe something happened. Maybe she's in trouble, and I hastily looked everywhere around the house.

Until I found the letter.

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**_Reiko Hanabishi_**

**_1993-2008_**

**_A faithful catholic, a dedicated worker and a loving friend_**

Today, as I gaze at her tombstone, a small sad smile grazes my lips. It's something I never do, that is, in front of my schoolmates and family ever since she died.

And as I always do, I reread the letter she last gave me before her death.

_Kaede-kun,_

_I am sorry for my unexpected disappearance which is very rude and impolite in you and your family's part. For eleven years, I stayed and worked for the Rukawa household. I am confident that I have done everything to he best of my abilities for my masters and you._

_I want to thank you all for the financial support you offered me and an opportunity to education. To my co-employees, for the companionship and friendship. _

_Especially to you. Kaede, I had grown with your presence and your friendship is something I will hold dear my entire life. You showed me the things I never had a chance to see and you gave me the affection I never felt from my parents._

_I know that you're angry. You're angry because I left without even saying goodbye to you._

_I don't want you to see me this way. If you'd look at me the time you read this, I'd be a stricken cancer patient in the hospital helplessly groping for my life. I chose not to take any medication, for it will just hinder me in enjoying my last few months on this world._

_You don't know anything about this sickness I have._

_I love you and you knew that for a long time, don't you? I'm not telling you I do so you'd feel the same. I'm telling you because I don't want to die with any regrets. _

_For the past few years we've been the best of friends, I had learned to cherish you and take care of you. You are sometimes making trouble but I loved you knowing this. You never told me you love me and I don't need to hear that or make myself believe that. _

_I am enough that I know you are with me and you grow as a person with me. I watched you fall and rise, I watched you when you cried and when you smiled. I'm glad that I did, of all persons in the world._

_I preferred for you to remember me as a cheerful, loving friend who is contented with life. As a healthy, ordinary kid, not as a dying leukemia victim._

_I want you to relinquish me as a perky, lovely lady, that's why I got a new haircut and did beautifications of all sorts these past few weeks. Could you remember my face when I was most beautiful I can be? _

_You're my first and only true friend. No one was able to see through me and care for me because I was nothing; not someone important nor acceptable. _

_Could you do me a favor and not look for me anymore? I'd hate to see you pity me, see me as someone less. I want you to regard me as someone dignified and normal._

_Take a little time to look at the beauty of everything, Kaede. Take a little time to feel what the future has set out for you. Take a little time to enjoy life and be happy, just as I wanted you to be forever. You never know when it is all take away from you._

_Reiko-chan_

**_And if you lose your way  
Think back on yesterday  
Remember me this way  
Remember me this way  
_**

_Roses._ Her favorite. Picked by me personally as I do everyday that I visit her grave. I take a little time to gaze at it and smell it, just as she advised me to. I will never know when this life will be taken from me.

I always like to remember her as someone she wanted me to.

My only regret is that, I never had a chance to say "I love you," to the woman I love and forever will.

**_Remember me this way…_**

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A/N: So, is it okay? Technically, this is my third one-shot here and I hope readers would review! Thanks: )


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